Americans drink “shit” coffee, at least that’s the sentiment of the majority here.  As I have been pumping Aussie coffee into my blood for over three months now, I might have to agree.  I’m not sure what it is – maybe it’s just the sheer abundance of it and the quantities consumed by a single person in one day – but there is something different about the coffee here. 

And, they hate Starbucks – for obvious reasons that most people (Aussies, Americans, coffee drinkers in general) have for hating Starbucks.  I know, I know…the velvet chairs, small tables, art deco lighting and smooth sounds of Norah Jones can be alluring.  Or, maybe it’s the combination of white letters on a green background that draws us in – if we read their menu backward, does it give us a secret message?!  Drink more coffe, it is good for you, $5 is a reasonable price.  Drink more coffee, it is….  And why does their coffee come in sizes tall, grande and venti?  Are we supposed to sound more refined ordering a venti coffe opposed to a large coffee? 

I’m just afraid that the corporate coffee players are going to eventually dominate the American landscape.  If some corporate player is going to dominate the world, let’s give that job to a more versatile player – you know, like Disney.  And, would you like an amusement ride to follow your coffee?  Or perhaps sip coffee with your favorite characters?   Seriously, Starbucks opened like 560 new shops last year.  560!  Starbucks is not only smothering the local players, but they’re also buying up any major competitors standing in their way – take Seattle’s Best as an example. 

  (*slide taken from an actual presentation by Starbucks execs.)

And it will be too late before we realize what Starbucks really is – legal drug dealers.  Instead of bags of grass, they pass out bags of coffee beans with cool logos that claim you’re helping some third world country.  And rather than have to feign a relationship with your drug dealer, people will be encouraged to forge friendships with their local dealer barista.  I’m telling you, people, Corporate America is not totally fetch.  (Notable exceptions in my book – Target and Publix.)

Anywho, that’s my $0.02.  See you at Starbucks tomorrow! 

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